


The Talk With Daddies

by AllieChick



Series: Ugly Titan Children Au [8]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Family, M/M, Mentions of Sex, giving "the talk", super awkward parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-09-12
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:36:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllieChick/pseuds/AllieChick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In every parent's life, there comes a time when your child approaches the cusp of puberty. And it's time to have a little chat about the birds and the bees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Talk With Daddies

**Author's Note:**

> This is my response to a prompt from an anon on tumblr that happened to fit perfectly with the Single Daddies au. This takes place when the kiddies are 11 years old. Erwin and Levi currently live together, but aren't married. 
> 
> Warnings for some serious awkwardness and second hand embarrassment.

“I think we need to have a talk with the kids,” Erwin stated as the two of them were getting ready for bed. 

Levi had his back to him as he searched for his pajama pants in the dresser. “A talk about what?” he asked, disinterested. He found a pair of Erwin’s boxers and decided that was good enough for him. 

“You know…” Erwin trailed off suggestively. “The Talk.” 

His companion’s movements halted momentarily before they continued. 

“Don’t you think they’re a little young?” he commented casually. Erwin could read Levi very well now and knew immediately that meant he felt completely uncomfortable with the idea of having the sex talk with his kids. 

“They’re starting to ask questions,” Erwin explained. “Well, Armin is asking questions. And Eren is- his behavior-“ 

“He’s discovered his dick,” Levi offered. He’d been noticing the behavior too, the way Eren acted embarrassed to be woken in the morning, and as sneaky as he thought he may have been, Levi heard the washer going in the middle of the night. 

“Not to mention Mikasa’s getting to that age-“ 

“Nope, you don’t need to say it!” Levi quickly interrupted, looking completely awkward. He was facing Erwin now, not even trying to disguise his uneasy expression. 

“Levi, periods are a healthy, natural part of a woman’s life,” Erwin chided. “It’s nothing to feel awkward about.” 

“Mikasa’s my baby girl, Erwin,” Levi argued. 

“And she lives in a house full of boys, which she’s already feeling the effects of,” Erwin continued. “We don’t want to make her feel alienated and ashamed of something she can’t control.” 

With a sigh, Levi plopped down on his side of the bed. He knew Erwin was right- like he usually was. But it didn’t change the fact he didn’t want to have this conversation with his children. When he was young, he’d never had such a talk with an adult figure of any kind. He’d figured that shit out on his own and though it wasn’t the best method, he turned out alright. 

“Don’t schools teach this stuff, or something?” Levi asked, hoping for an out. 

Erwin gave him a skeptical look. “You know public sex education is insufficient,” he said firmly. Levi through his arm over his face and groaned. “Listen, I’m going to talk with Armin. Whether or not you also have this chat with Eren and Mikasa is up to you.” 

“You’re lucky. Armin is so methodical,” Levi whined. He paused and glanced up at Erwin with a sudden pleading expression (which on Levi was actually quite frightening). 

But Erwin wasn’t going to be tricked by that ploy. He sat down on his side of the bed, back against the headboard and looking down at Levi’s prone form. 

“No Levi, I’m not going to talk to your kids for you,” he stated firmly. “I may be a big part of their lives, but I’m not their father. This is a conversation they need to have with you.” 

Levi groaned pathetically. “Can’t we do this together?” he asked. 

“Nice try,” Erwin smirked. “You’ll just make me do all the talking.” 

“You’re an asshole,” Levi muttered. 

“Love you too,” Erwin smiled. 

 

The next day, Erwin took Armin out for some father - son time. When they returned, Armin looked a little paler, but wiser. The little blond boy kept looking between Erwin and Levi and blushing throughout dinner. It was quite clear the two of them had had a quality chat. 

‘That bastard,’ Levi thought. Erwin worked quickly and he was still nowhere prepared enough to make his move. 

Still, Levi tried not to be too annoyed by the way Armin was acting all skittish around him. It was almost like he was four years old again and afraid of him. He was tempted to right out tell him that yes, he did have sex with his daddy. On a pretty regular basis too. 

Several days passed and Levi still hadn’t figured out how he was going to have this ‘Talk’ with Eren and Mikasa. Should he give it to the both of them at the same time? Or talk to them separate? Not to mention Mikasa and her… lady problems. If only there was a woman in her life Levi could force to talk to her instead. But the closest they had was Nanaba, who they only knew through Erwin’s friend Mike. 

Then there was the issue of broaching the subject as well. How was he supposed to start this conversation? Levi knew he was a blunt, sometimes crass, person. It would be difficult for him to talk about the birds and the bees with delicacy. 

Turned out however, that his kids approached him first. 

“Dad?” Eren asked hesitantly, standing with Mikasa at the doorway of his office. Eren had stopped calling him Papa a while ago, only using the term when he was feeling affectionate or tired. 

“What is it?” Levi asked, not looking up from his computer. 

“Can we talk to you?” Eren asked, looking nervous. 

The hesitancy in his voice drew Levi’s attention. With a slightly concerned expression he waved them into the room. Mikasa closed the door behind them. 

“What’s going on?” Levi asked. 

“Armin’s been acting really weird the last few days and when we asked him what was going on he said we needed to talk to you,” Eren explained in a confused rush. 

And then a few things clicked in Levi’s head. With a little groan he rubbed his face with his hands. Oh dear god, it was happening. There was no way he could avoid it now. 

“Papa, is something wrong?” Mikasa asked, sounding worried. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine, everything’s fine,” Levi answered quickly. “There’s just… we just need to have a talk. Sit down.” 

The two moved from before his desk to the two stools kept in the room, for whenever Levi had company while he worked (which was quite often). Taking a deep breath, Levi turned his chair to face them. Both of his kids looked at him with curious eyes. 

Shit, how was he going to do this? 

“So, uh. You guys are getting older,” Levi began. “And when you grow up, your bodies will start to change. Into adult bodies.” 

Two pairs of eyes blinked at him. 

“Like, getting taller?” Eren asked, looking thoroughly confused. 

“That and, um, other stuff,” Levi explained. “Girls, uh, get curvy. And boys start to build muscle and grow facial hair.” He was now staring at the floor as he spoke, unable to look the two of them in the eye. “These, um, changes are to get your bodies ready to make babies,” Levi continued. He really wasn’t sure how to go from here. How detailed did he need to get? 

“But I thought only girls made babies?” Eren asked. 

Jesus, this kid was just going directly to the heart of the issue, wasn’t he? Eren always was too curious for his own good, and not in the academic way Armin was either. 

Levi let out a long breath. 

“Actually, it takes a boy and a girl to make a baby,” Levi said. “You see- it’s ah- When a mom and a dad decided to have a baby, they um- they do this thing called sex. The boy sticks his penis into the girl’s private bits and his sperm will fertilize an egg and then a baby is made. But not every time two people have sex makes the girl pregnant. Because, she ah, she has her period- she bleeds once a month and, there’s eggs. Um. And sperm is this white stuff that comes out of a penis.” 

This was a disaster. He was quite certain he was doing more damage than good trying to explain this all. 

A quick glance to Eren and Mikasa found them staring with wide, horrified eyes. 

Shit. He tried to salvage the situation best he could.

“But um, people have sex for other reasons. Because it feels good. Or because they love someone. And boys can have sex with boys and girls can have sex with girls. It doesn’t have to be a boy and a girl every time,” Levi finished awkwardly. “But you don’t need to worry about that for several years.” 

‘So why am I even doing this now?’ Levi questioned to himself. 

“Do you guys have questions?” he asked, seeing the confused looks on their faces. 

There was a moment of silence while the two of them tried to digest his words. He hoped they felt too awkward and confused to say anything, so he could send them on their way. At least before he managed to confuse them further. 

Eren squirmed in his seat and cleared his throat. “So, do you have sex with Armin’s dad? Because you love him?” he asked. 

“Yes,” Levi answered. 

“But… how? You both are boys,” Eren continued. 

“Like I said, two boys can have sex too,” Levi answered. 

“But, how? You both have boy parts.” 

“One of us sticks our penis into the other’s butthole,” Levi gritted his teeth, feeling more embarrassed than he ever had in his life. He could even feel himself blushing. 

That shut Eren up right away. 

“Mikasa, do you have any questions?” Levi asked, ready for this to be over. 

She looked concerned at her hands folded in her lap. “What do you mean that the girl bleeds?” 

That was the point Levi gave up entirely. 

Later that day, Erwin sat down with the two of them and gave them a proper talk, clarifying things for them. He was even sure cover topics of consent, wet dreams, love versus lust, and periods. Eren and Mikasa looked much calmer after that conversation. 

“I’m never doing that again,” Levi groaned into his pillow that night. “They won’t even look at me now.” 

“You did your best,” Erwin said placating, patting his head. “And the good news is, you never have to give them The Talk ever again.” 

“Thank fuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> Reminder that you can find me on tumblr! My username is alliechick and post updates and answer questions about Single Daddies there.


End file.
